How to...

There have been quite a few stories due to the simple/very complex issue of the language barrier.



Go to the bathroom (as a women or a man who needs to squat for that matter)

Many of you may have heard of the oh so sanitary squat-pot. This is basically a porcelain hole in the ground. The task of squatting without peeing down your leg is extremely difficult, and I've learned to carry tissues and hand sanitizer everywhere. Some are more discusting than others. I believe Jeremy alluded to the one in the middle of the street in Moganshan, that was the worst. They aren't "horrible" in restaurants, but a wierd concept nonetheless.



Get a manicure/pedicure:

There are massage parlors about every 30 feet. Deciding which to go to depends on whether or not you want a "happy ending" or "more throrough service." Massage parlor type can usually be determined if the windows are a very dark tint, or there are women in matching outfits and platform stripper shoes out front, however most places have the option if requested.



A friend and I wanted to get a mani/pedi, and we went into a more reputable place. By reputable, we knew we would not be propositioned afterward. The two of us were ushered into a room upstairs; the room was decorated in pink and purple satin and lace, very gaudy. We were then instructed (through pantomimes and gestures) to lay down. I don't know if all of our readers have had a manicure, but this is not usually done in an isolated room lying down. It was the slowest process ever! There were about 10 girls working there and one came up to do both of our nails. After about an hour, my friend and I decided we didn't want to stick around for the pedicure. We decided to get massages instead, because that is the specialty around here. I'm still looking for a place to get a pedi.



Use a squat pot while getting a manicure:

Not easy! Before I began my massage, I really had to go to the bathroom. (Which I asked to do through pantomime and gesture.) The woman escorts me downstairs to the bathroom, and I walked in. She followed. Walks over and undoes my pants and pulls them down to my ankles. I'm standing there letting her do this because I can't tell her not to. She turns around, takes two steps, stops, and waits. She's waiting for me to finish going to the bathroom in a squat pot! There's no toilet paper, but I can't communicate that I want some. So I go to the bathroom. When I'm finished, she turns back around, walks over, and pulls up my pants, buttons them, waits for me to wash my hands and leads me out. Needless to say, it was so awkward and uncomfortable. I ended up peeing down my pant leg. Gross!



I went back upstairs and began to tell my friend. We are cracking up! This is also awkward, because we are clearly laughing about the situation and they have no idea what we're saying. Then again, their probably laughing at us to because we have no idea what they're saying. As for the massage, it was wonderful, although my friend and I were instructed to undress right in front of each other, and the two Chinese women. It's funny how private we are as Americans.



Make friends with old Chinese men:

As many of you know, I enjoy making friends wherever I go (probably an understatement). Jeremy, 2 other friends/teachers from school and I went out to eat one evening at a place with a semi-english menu (rarely found and always a treat). As we're eating, we've been stared at the during the entire meal (we are a spectical everywhere we go). So I finally lift my glass and say, "gam bai" to the table of 5 Chinese men across from us.



In Chinese "gam bai" is like saying "cheers," however it literally translates to bottom's up, which they take very seriously. You can't say, "gam bai" and not finish your drink, regardless of how much is in the glass/bottle. So of course, they get a kick out of this and come over and challenge us to "gam bai" contests. In China it's extremely rude to turn down drinks. When drinking in company, they literally drink until they puke. In fact, while I was summoned to the other table to "gam bai" with our new friends (who did I mention had been there since 10am and it was dinner time), the shirtless (yes disgusting shirtless fat old) man at a different table next to us turns to his right and vomits all over the ground, right where I would have been sitting; so glad I had moved! No one batted an eye, the waitress came over and put down some newspaper, and everyone kept drinking. After that, the men continued to buy us round after round and we returned the favor, which made them so excited. So we were cheers-ing and having broken Chinglish conversations, they then began taking pictures with us; hopefully we don't end up on Chinese interent. Finally, remembering we had to work in the morning, we tore ourselves away and went home. We made plans to meet them at the same time and place the next night, but regretted to show. What a crazy night!



As an aside, Chinese men grow their fingernails long to show that they do not do manual labor. Generally it's only one or two, usually the thumb and pinky. They grow them about 1 inch. They turn all yellow and gross. So disgusting! All of our new found friends had gorgeous non-laboring hands. It's a wonder manicures are so forign?

-Christine